Saturday, February 2, 2013

The rape of my childood

Welcome to my blog. This blog is about the child abuse I endured . It's going to be pretty dark at times. My Dr said I have the worst case of PTSD he has ever seen. I'm writing this not only to purge, but also to possibly help others who have been thru similar things.
Another reason I'm writing it is to get my memories in order as I plan to write a book. And getting them in order is not an easy task. When you have been thru as much trauma as I have you have a lot of blocked out spaces in your memory. I have a whole year blocked out and I'm hoping this will help. I will be writing one memory at a time to help me keep them in order.

My very first memory was at age 3 my father called me out of bed and said he needed my help. I went to the living room and could not see over the couch but heard screaming, my sister was already there and crying. My father forced us to hold down my mother while he raped her. Of course my tiny arms couldn't do much actual holding. It was his way of torturing us along with torturing her. Her face was covered in blood. I asked her twice if she was ok and and she just said leave me alone.
     The next day my mother was covered in bruises. I tried to give her a hug but she stepped away. She wouldn't make eye contact with me, in fact, she never made eye contact with me. I asked her is she was alright and she said she was fine. I said "well what about last night?" and she said "nothing happened last night, get that thru your head or you will be next." I went back in my room. I didn't play with any toys I just lied in bed as my little brains tried to process this, and I simply couldn't.

I will never ever forget that day. I am 39 years old and I remember i t like it was yesterday.

That concludes my first memory, next blog will have memory number two.
thanks for reading

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